Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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