Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and she was petting her beer can
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
