Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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