I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize