I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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