i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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