Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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