I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
