I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
