her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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