someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
