ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
