The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
