Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
is that a dick in a sweater?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize