How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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