Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
