why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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