her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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