Your tits are I can't wait for
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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