So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
