What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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