Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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