i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
