The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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