I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize