Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
