I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
