Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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