It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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