I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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