SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
