We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
