I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
