happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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