hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
