Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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