I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't put those talents on a resume
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
