i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
