Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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