Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
