My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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