I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize