I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
