My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
