we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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