awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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