I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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