MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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