Your tits are I can't wait for
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
