I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Come see our sink grown plant.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
