If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
