this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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