i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
