If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
