just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
