grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
