I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
