So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
